All the rage when I was in the 2nd Form – old school counting.
Of course they’re puerile, what do you expect 12 year olds to find funny
Why do elephants drink so much?
=To try to forget.
Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
=So that they can hide upside-down, undetected, in bowls of custard.
Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
=No? Well, it must work.
Why do elephants paint their toe nails red?
=So they can hide in cherry trees?
Have you ever see an elephant in a cherry tree?
=No- shows how well it works.
How does an elephant get into a cherry tree?
=It hides in an acorn and waits for a squirrel to carry it up
How do the elephants get out of the cherry trees?
=They stand on a leaf and wait until autumn
Why shouldn’t you go in the forest between 2 and 4 in the afternoon?
=Because that’s when the elephants jump out of the cherry trees.
Why are pygmies so short?
=They can’t tell the time
And more grown up variants ….
Why do elephants paint their testicles red?
= So they can hide in cherry trees.
What’s the loudest sound in the jungle?
= Giraffes eating cherries.
How did Tarzan die?
Why do elephants wear springs on their feet?
=So they can jump up into the trees and ravish the monkeys.
What sound do monkeys hate most?
What’s grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow?
= An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!
Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?
=Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Aspirin
Why did the elephant cross the road?
=Chicken’s day off.
How do you get an elephant into a VW?
=Open the car door, put the elephant inside, close the door.
What’s more difficult than getting a pregnant elephant in a VW beetle?
=Getting an elephant pregnant in a VW beetle.
How do you put an elephant into a fridge?
=Open the VW door, take the elephant out, close the VW door, open the fridge, put the elephant inside, close the fridge.
How do you get 4 elephants into a Volkswagon beetle?
=2 in the front and 2 in the back
How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
=It’s bike is outside.
How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?
=There is a dent in the cross-bar.
How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?
=Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.
Why do elephants wear sandals?
=So they don’t get sand between their toes….. or
=So that they don’t sink in the sand.
Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
=To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals
What is the difference between an elephant and a blueberries?
=They’re both blue, except for the elephant
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
=”Look, here’s the elephants coming over the hill.”
What did Jane say?
=”Here come the blueberries.” (Guess what colour Jane’s hair is?)
Why did the elephant wear sunglasses?
=It didn’t want to be recognized.
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing sunglasses?
=Nothing, he didn’t recognize them.
Why did the grape wear sunglasses?
=It wanted to be an elephant.
What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing sunglasses?
=”look here come the grapes”
Why do elephants have Big Ears?
=Because Noddy won’t pay the ransom.
Why can’t elephants hitchhike?
=They don’t have thumbs
Why do elephants have trunks?
=Because Speedos are too revealing.
Why are elephants trumpeters?
=Because it’s too hard to learn the piano
What’s the difference between a boy elephant and a girl elephant?
=One sings bass, the other sings soprano.
Why do girl elephants wear angora sweaters?
=So you can tell them apart from boy elephants.